Monday, August 17, 2009

My First Troll!

We all celebrate those moments in life that mark our growth and development - our first steps, our first words, our first kisses. We all remember that first time we rode a bike without training wheels or the first place we lived in when we moved out of our parents' house. Well, you might not know this, but bloggers have key firsts, too. There's the first post, the first comment, and, last but not least, the first troll.

That's right, someone has posted a troll comment on an Observations of a Nerd post! That means I've become just popular enough to attract the kinds of people that give us the willies at bus stations! It's a momentous moment for a little 'ole blogger like myself. And to top it off, it's a nutty, anti-science religious comment. That means I've finally become a real Science Blogger!

Here's the goods, for your enjoyment, posted on my "Why I Am Not A Darwinist" post by the esteemed "Abraham Clarke ph.D":
Darwin was wrong all along. Crick-Watsonists are the new perpetuators of the evolution hoax and
that DNA (deoxynoradrenaline)exists in "cells" and makes all life somehow magically work!
This is utter balderdash. There are no "cells" in any living creature. Science has never ever shown that "cells" or DNA exist. The whole crumbling edifice of biology has hastily thrown together a hoax to blinker people to the real world. "Cells" are nothing more than bacteria feeding on the material of our bodies. DNA is nothing but a fiction cooked up by Crick and Watson to get a Knobel prize.
There are no "cells" in the human body. It doesn't need them. There is only dead matter that the Almighty, in his infinite knowlege, has animated by putting a soul into it. The soul is electromagnetic in nature and vanishes to heaven when the body "dies". Heaven can be heard on radio telescopes. It is the background "noise" created by the big bang.
Please read the Bible and repent your sins. God loves you if you don't turn your backs on him for your fantasies of "science".

It's just too bad that I couldn't find hide nor hair of Abraham Clarke anywhere. I would love to know what his PhD, if he exists, is in.

*Sigh*. I'll always remember this moment - the day I became a real Science Blogger, important enough to troll. I better get back to work before I get all teary-eyed.


Kirk Mona said...

High-larious. I guess all those "cells" we looked at in jr. high though the simplest of microscopes were, you know, mass delusion or something. Our teacher must have been in on the conspiracy. People are such loons.

Anonymous said...

Man, some people have all the luck!

Margaret said...

You're right, Christie, that's not any old troll. It's a classic!

(How many people with PhDs think the "P" is in lower case, I wonder. Or mistake a Nobel Prize for a knob.)

A beautiful specimen of the species. My congratulations!

Dorid said...

LOL... that's why I made these: http://www.zazzle.com/maybe_a_monkey_dark_shirts-235882913590259539

congrats, you've been dubbed a REAL science blogger now :)

Paper said...

"DNA (deoxynoradrenaline)"

Funny, I was under the impression that it stood for Deoxyribonucleic acid". Then again, since it's just an imaginary substance, I guess it doesn't really matter.

Strange to think that all those scientists investigating this imaginary substance keep getting the same or very similar results when they compare the fictional DNA of, say, humans with the fictional DNA of chimpanzees or whatever.

SouthernFriedScientist said...

Congratulations on your first troll, and a Poe at that!

Nancy Ortiz said...

Oh happy day! You've made it alright! The DKos Pootie and Woozle diaries attract more trolls than the ordinary totally radical diaries posted on FDL, Mother Jones, and even Huff Po. That you even have one is an achievement of enormous significance. WooHoo! Go get 'em!

Kirk Mona said...

Yes, beautiful example of Poe!

Stephanie B said...

Damn, how will you ever get your Knobel prize if you go believing in such worthless things as cells and deoxynoradrenaline. Too bad DNA doesn't exist.

Finally, you've been one-upped by what is clearly a mental giant.

Stephanie B said...

My husband commented that he can't recall the passage in the Bible that requires you to be an idiot.

MObugs said...

Me thinks he is the leader of the expanding population of trolls, or perhaps he is on crack? Congrats on your step up to "real science blogger".

Annasbones said...

I don't know what a "Knobel prize" is but very happy someone got one! ;)

G said...

Yeah, you never forget your first troll. It's a coming-of-age thing in science.

Back before the Internet, some of the senior people around me would show off the letters they got in green ink (Or purple. Red didn't have as much status.). That was a mark of distinction. Us youngsters envied those people: the green ink meant that you had arrived, and people had noticed you.